by Astha Soni
New House, Beqaa Valley
24.11.2015
Dear Ummy,
I heard the big sound. After that, I did not hear anything.
I called Halil and Nizar, but I could not hear my voice. I could see their lips moving. They were crying and then came running towards me.
You were in the kitchen. You had worn my favourite blue scarf and cream robe. You had promised me in the morning that you would make fattoush and cheese manakish for my birthday that is coming soon. I loved the new orange robe with tiny flowers that you got for me. You had said that you would make khubz and meze with seven dishes because I would turn seven.
Halil and Nizar had been playing with the ball. I was writing homework in our garden. Firas Akh was working with Abu in our bread shop.
Somebody threw a bomb from the sky.
The bomb broke our house. The walls fell down and the stones came to us. I wrapped Halil and Nizar in my arms to save them from the flying stones. A stone hurt me on the back of my ear. But I did not cry. We were white. Abu had painted the house white, just some days before. He will have to paint it again. But he will have to build the walls also this time.
Halil and Nizar were crying because they are very small boys. Firas Akh and Abu came running. Firas Akh sat with us in the garden. He took Halil and Nizar in his lap. He hugged them tightly. He said nothing to me but pulled me closer.
Abu went inside our house. When he came out, he cried more than Halil and Nizar. He went in again and returned with your red bag which we had bought outside al Nuri in Mosul. Abu had not cried so much before. He may have cried aloud. I still could not hear.
Firas Akh got up with Halil and Nizar in his arms and walked outside. I ran towards Abu and held his fingers. ‘Abu where is Ummy?’ I asked him. He said nothing. ‘Abu, where are we going?’ I asked again. But he cried. Firas Akh said ‘Abu, the buses to Beirut are near the school.’
I heard the big sound again. Some more houses fell down I think. People were running towards the buses near our school in Al Mazzeh. Firas Akh and Abu were shouting Beirut? Beirut? to the bus drivers. I could hear a little. You had taught me of Beirut in Lebanon on the map. But Ummy, I wanted you also to go with us.
People had taken all the seats on the bus. Children were crying. I was hurt on my head. People walked over my feet also. I cried but I stopped. I wanted to sleep. I stood between Abu and Firas Akh holding Abu’s hand. Abu’s black kaftan had white powder from our broken house. I looked up at Firas Akh. I saw a drop of water below his chin. I shook his hand and asked why are we going to Beirut? We are going to Beqaa valley. We will play in the snow, Akh said and put his hand on my head. I looked out from the window.
I could not see anything after some time. It was dark. The bus stopped after a long time. We got down. There were different men there. But all in the same clothes. Their shirt had a small tree between the red stripes. I had learned the flags in school. It was Lebanon’s flag I think. Our Syrian flag has stars. Not the tree.
Those men had big sticks and they were wearing big black boots. Refugees here they said. What is refugees? I asked Firas Akh. People who come to Beqaa valley to play in the snow are refugees, he said. I felt very cold. Where is the snow? I asked. Salah, we will see it in the morning. Now stand quietly, he said. Those men checked everyone’s bag. They did not check my book and pencil.
This is not like our house Abu, I said. Akh, this is very small and I feel very cold in this house, I said to Akh. Abu looked at Firas Akh, but they said nothing. To play in the snow, we have to live in this house, I thought.
Halil and Nizar woke up. They asked for you Ummy. You used to tell us stories every day before we slept. But you would ask us to wash our feet and put on the pajamas first. Halil and Nizar ran out in the cold. They washed their feet in the ice-cold water and came running inside. Then they asked Abu to call you for stories.
Ummy is asleep in our house in Damascus Abu said. Halil and Nizar didn’t stop. They cried and again washed and again came running for you Ummy. Abu said, Ummy cannot come here. Halil, Nizar, come inside and sleep. But they cried to go home, to you. They cried more and then fell asleep. I covered them with the blanket and slept with them.
I love our house in Damascus. It is big. I never felt so cold in our house. We all had our own blankets and beds. Abu might not have found our pajamas and blankets to pack. Maybe the bomb broke the cupboards too.
In the night, our new house started to shake. The sound of the wind was loud but not more than the bomb. Akh and Abu went out. When they came in, they were covered in snow. Abu and Akh held the corners of our new house tight till the wind blew violently. A little water seeped in from the sides. I dragged away the mat on which I, Halil and Nizar slept. But the water started to spread. I wrapped Hallil and Nizar in plastic. I could not sleep and watched the mats and blankets getting wet.
When I woke up, Abu and Akh were not there. But there was light outside. It was morning and I wanted to see the snow. I went out and saw all the tiny houses covered in the snow like ours. The trees, the sand and the buses were all white.
Men were wiping the water into the drain. Akh was arranging sacks of sand around our house. I think the water will not seep inside tonight. I saw other girls and boys throwing snowballs at each other. They looked dirty. But I wanted to play.
A van arrived with the men who called us ‘refugees’ in the night. Get the food and medicine from them. Not all get them, an old man said and walked towards the van. Firas Akh dropped the sand sack and went with Abu. People gathered around the van and raised their hands. The men with big sticks and big boots were throwing away packets.
A woman shouted and climbed up the van. Give me the blanket. My children are dying of fever, she yelled at the men with big sticks. They pushed her out of the van and beat her up with their sticks. Stand in the line, they yelled at her. I had thought they were good men because they gave food for free.
Abu returned with the old man. They save everything for the Lebanese people. They say Lebanon is getting poor because of us, he told Abu.
It is getting dark and cold. I will write to you tomorrow Ummy.
New House, Beqaa Valley
25.11.2015
Today is my birthday Ummy.
Firas Akh did not remember my birthday. The bomb might have done something bad to you Ummy. It might also have spoilt your preparations for the fattoush and meze. But don’t worry Ummy. I will take care of you and I will help you to make them again.
Firas Akh said Abu, I will collect things from garbage. I can sell them in the town to buy food and clothes. Other boys have already left. If you find wood, collect it in this bag. We will need fire in the night, Firas Akh said. I will also find the wood, I said. No Salah, you have to take care of Halil and Nizar and of our new house. Don’t go near other kids. They might have a bad disease, Akh said to me. Abu and Akh promised that they would return soon and left.
I will tell you a secret. Promise me you won’t tell anyone, I said to Halil and Nizar. I promise Okht, they said. Today is my birthday and Ummy is making fattoush for us at our house in Damascus, I told them. They jumped and clapped and hugged me and said Happy birthday Okht! We went out and played with the snowballs.
I will give this letter to the men with big sticks and big boots. I will stand in the line. I will tell you what we do here in the Beqaa valley every day so that you don’t worry about us and Halil and Nizar. We miss you Ummy. Do not be afraid of the bomb. We will come soon.
Yours,
Salah
Picture from UNICEF
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