by Mandira Ghissing
Letting go of grief often gives rise to misgivings in the person who has lost a loved one. It may result in them either trying to overcome their sorrow with a dogged determination or clinging on to it desperately as the only way to preserve what has been irretrievably lost. Mandira’s poem is addressed to anyone who is or has been in such a dark place.
If you have found yourself, of late, in those unforgiving waters,
Foundering off the dark nowhere rocks,
Don’t be afraid. Don’t fight it.
Your grief is not meant to be overcome
But to be lived in;
It is your privilege to be here,
In this house that was built by the infinite tenderness
Of the force that alone keeps the stars in place, keeps the mountain’s core.
You are not meant to be stronger than the weight of your sorrow;
It is not for you to pit yourself against the hurricane that just destroyed your world.
There are seasons of strength and seasons of weakness
And you may give yourself leave to surrender
As a leaf would to the wrath of the storm.
Neither biding time nor preparing for tomorrow,
Tossed mercilessly between the twin poles of hope and despair,
Only let yourself be in it for as long as it is there.
And then, someday, maybe,
You will find yourself, suddenly standing apart;
Unknown to yourself, noiselessly, you will step out into the sun,
Even surprise yourself with a smile!
(There is no reason to believe you will not)
And when that happens, just as easily as day breaks,
Let there be no need for shame or guilt or doubt –
Your grief is not the shell you left behind; it is what moved ahead with you,
Except now it has become wings.
Mandira Ghissing teaches English in Darjeeling Government College. She identifies herself as a small-town girl with a passion for poetry. Reading poems is, for her, a way of connecting with the wider world and writing them, a means of coming home to herself.
Dear Mandira,
I had to tell you this. Writing comes to me like the primary need. It helps me be. When I read this piece, I kept very quiet and still for a long time. Every line meant more than a lot of things that I have recently seen or heard. I want to say “Thank You” for sending me warmth to accept my darkness and swim through it.
Had I not come across your work, I would not know how badly I needed it.
Thank You,
Someone you helped beyond your knowing.