No, I said

by Vani Viswanathan

[box]At every stage in her life, when this woman did what she did, she was called a feminist by those around her. And every time, No, she said, until one day she realised, she was a feminist, after all. Vani Viswanathan writes a byte-sized story.[/box]

When I was 12, and I asked why my male cousin couldn’t help me set the table for dinner, the aunts laughed. ‘Feminist!’ they joked. No, I said, I just wonder why cooking and cleaning are woman’s jobs.

When I was 15, and wanted this gorgeous, flower-printed top that I had just spotted at the shop, mother said no, the neck is too deep and you can’t go anywhere wearing this because you’ll be harassed. Isn’t that the harasser’s fault, and not mine, I asked. Don’t pull this feminist card on me, said ma. No, I said, I just wonder why I should curb my freedom because someone thinks it’s ok to abuse me.

When I was 18, and had just moved to a hostel for college, I told my friends how it felt so good to be out in the streets at 2 in the morning, because the government had taken enough to treat its women as citizens too. You feminists, no… they started. No, I said, isn’t it unfair that my government treats me as a second class citizen?

When I was 21 and protested to a friend who offered to carry a bag of groceries that I could very well carry myself, wow, feminazi! he said. No, I said, don’t patronise me, I’m a perfectly able human being and will ask you if I need help.

When I was 24 and told my parents that I broke up with my boyfriend because he told me once we get married I shouldn’t go out with friends for drinks, they said Kutty, we’re tired of your feminist tricks, it won’t work in real life. No, I said, how can I spend my life with someone who tells me what to do without treating me as a conscious individual who can think and reason?

And suddenly, at 25, I realised I was a feminist after all. Because I don’t want roles to be stereotyped for women and men. Because I don’t think women should pay for an unknown man’s fault and my dressing is nobody’s business. Because I demand my government remembers our existence and isn’t patriarchal about ‘protecting’ us. Because I think chivalry is overrated and basic respect is underrated. Because men and women across the world don’t consider women as rational and equal partners in a relationship. Because I realised ‘feminist’ isn’t a bad word that I should shy away from, I’m simply asking for women and men to be equal. Yes, I said, proudly, I am a feminist.

Vani Viswanathan is often lost in her world of books and A R Rahman, churning out lines in her head or humming a song. Her world is one of frivolity, optimism, quietude and general chilled-ness, where there is always place for outbursts of laughter, bouts of silence, chocolate, ice cream and lots of books and endless iTunes playlists from all over the world. Vani was a Public Relations consultant in Singapore and felt the city-state was getting too small to hold her dreams, and returned to India after seven long years away. Vani blogs at http://chennaigalwrites.blogspot.com

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