by Shravya Gunipudi
“I feel caged when I am with you!” he said, shaking his head in disapproval.
They stood in the living room, a few minutes before the clock struck ten. It was time for them to go their separate ways till that evening, when they would unite to discuss their day. Like with any married couple that worked on different jobs, their relationship seemed to take effort to keep it working.
But never in a million years did she imagine that he would say the words that broke her heart.
“I… I never knew…” she stammered, the tears in her eyes clouding any form of rational judgement.
His shoulders drooped as he took one unsteady step towards her before holding his arms out to her invitingly. Gingerly, she allowed the embrace.
“I am sorry…” she said, hugging him back as she felt his protective arms wrap around her. “I… I will try to change…”
“No, I am sorry,” he replied. “I just had a very difficult week at work…”
Promising to discuss it that evening, they parted ways.
At seven in the evening, his phone buzzed when he was in the meeting room.
He sighed and shook his head, angry with her for not understanding him. This was her fifth continuous call. She couldn’t even understand that perhaps he was busy. All that mattered to her was that he picked up the phone when she needed him to.
But what if something had gone wrong? Was that why she was calling him so repeatedly?
Excusing himself from the discussion, he slipped out and called her back.
“What took you so long?” she complained and he could almost visualise her furrowed brow.
“Is something wrong?”
“I… I miss you…”
“I am in a damn meeting!” he said, exasperated. “Can’t we discuss this when I get home?”
“You’re always shouting at me,” she whined and he felt his heart melt instantly.
As he entered the meeting room after coaxing her, he wondered why he let her have this hold on him. The love he felt towards her was unexplainable. It made him gravitate towards her and want her no matter what. But the constant phone calls, the incessant nagging, her need to be with him all the time; these things choked him emotionally.
This relationship seemed like alcoholic overdose.
Slow poison, but heavenly.
“You are always with your friends…” she said one night, combing her hair angrily. “You don’t even care about me that much.”
“I haven’t gone out in weeks, love. Please, why don’t you try to understand?”
“How can you expect me to understand all the time? This is all we get to spend with each other, these few hours after work and you can’t even spend them with me!”
“How can you expect me to hang around you all the time? Look, I am going out tonight and then I am yours for the next however long it takes till we plan another outing. You need to find yourself some friends too!”
“No, thank you!” she shouted, turning away from him. “I am loyal to my relationship and I don’t like sleeping around…”
The last two words hit him directly in the heart. This woman was insufferable.
Without saying another word, he left the house.
The sound of the door banging was the only thing that replayed in her mind long after he left.
Around two in the morning, he crept back into the house, tip-toeing up into the bedroom. He knew she would get mad at him and might not even let him sleep in the same room as her. Prepared for the consequences, he took his shoes off and entered their room.
It took him a few moments to adjust to the darkness till eventually, he could see again. The first sight that caught his attention was her svelte figure lying draped across the sheets.
He loved her unconditionally and he knew that even if they fought constantly, he couldn’t get away from her.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered into the darkness and sat down on the bed with a sigh.
He vowed never to leave her again.
“I shall only be free when you are out of my life!” he shouted the next morning when she told him that he was misusing the freedom she was giving him.
He watched the expression on her face change and instantly cursed himself. Those weren’t the words he expected to say.
“Are you asking for a divorce?” she asked, her voice shaky.
The thought tempted him for a moment as he considered all the freedom he would get. But then, even though he wavered, he shook his head. He wouldn’t be able to live without her.
“No,” he said unconvincingly, holding his head in his hands. “I… don’t want that.”
But she noticed the momentary pause behind his answer. Without saying a word, she walked out of the house to go to work, leaving him drenched in his sorrow.
That evening, he didn’t get any calls from her. He glanced at his phone from time to time, expecting to be nagged. Unable to bear it any longer, he called her himself.
“Hello?”
“Um, it’s me,” he started, feeling uneasy. “I… I just wanted to say I’ll be home in an hour.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll have dinner ready.”
Just like that, she cut the call.
He didn’t like the sound of her voice. Leaving the office, he bought her a bunch of roses and went home.
“I got these for you,” he said handing them to her. “I am sorry about this morning.”
She smiled, taking them.
“They’re lovely, thank you.” she replied, taking them into the kitchen to put them in some water.
But he noticed that her smile did not reach her eyes.
“I… It’s Josh’s birthday,” he said, the next evening, unhooking his watch and setting it on the table. “I was thinking I will go down to his place and wish him. Maybe for an hour or two…”
“Sure,” she replied, looking up from her book momentarily. “Just so I am clear, I won’t be cooking for you tonight, right?”
He nodded, shocked by her transformation.While this was what he wanted the whole time, now that he finally had the peace, it was tearing him up on the inside. That night, he reached home quite late, drunk with misery. He was sure she would object to this and that she would blow up on his face the next morning. A small part of him was relieved.
As he woke up and made his way downstairs, he saw a cup of coffee sitting on the dining table waiting for him.
“Good Morning,” she said curtly, handing him a plate of bread. “I need to get to work early. See you in the evening?”
“Today is Sunday…” he pondered and watched as she stopped walking away.
Her shoulders sagged.
“Oh no,” she replied, sitting on the couch, holding her head in her hands. “What’s wrong with me?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” he murmured, walking up to her. “Why have you become like this?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, horrified. “I haven’t been interfering in anything you do! Why aren’t you ever happy with me? I gave you your freedom, didn’t I?”
It was at that moment that he understood how stupid he had been. She only called him at work because he didn’t inform her about his whereabouts. She only shouted at him when he went out because he never gave her prior notice so she could plan her own day. She hated when he got home late because she was worried. He realised, in short, that he never gave her any importance. Or so, she felt.
“If this is what freedom feels like, I don’t want it.” he said. “I miss how we used to be…”
She looked at him, tears in her eyes and smiled slowly.
“I… I realize how much of a nag I have been. I will tone it down,” she compromised.
“And I know how much I have hurt you by not making you a complete part of my life. I love you so much and I will… prove it to you.”
“You already have,” she replied and they embraced.
Since they got married, this was the first time they were both able to experience what true freedom felt like, because they were now able to express what one meant to the other. Their love was the evidence.
Shravya Gunipudi, a 21-year-old CA and CS Final Student, wishes to combine her skills of accounting with her passion for fictional writing. It is her dream to merge her creative side with her analytical one because writing, for her, is the best form of expression that she hopes to pursue for many more years to come. She has a blog titled ‘Fictionally Inkspired’ (shravyagunipudi.wordpress.com) and a Facebook Page called ‘Shravya Gunipudi’s Inkspression’ where she pours her heart out in the form of words.
