by Gauri Trivedi
“Mom, who are servants?” This seemingly simple question put me at a loss of words. I could have told her they are the ones whose existence I took for granted since birth or that they are people whose presence or absence could turn the whole house upside down or that they were the backbone or life-support of many an ‘independent’ women who depended on them heavily to balance out responsibilities.
But these explanations would have made sense to someone like me, born and brought up in an Indian city, where servants are an essential part of any household and ‘maids’ were to be honoured indeed, if you wanted to keep them anyways! I would have said they are people not to be taken lightly. That they come and go as they please, keeping the residents always on a leash. That you dare not offend them or burden them with extra work or else in a flash they will disappear!
Instead I opted to go the dictionary route. “They are people who are hired to do our domestic chores. That is, they help around the house doing dishes, our laundry, cleaning, sometimes babysitting and cooking too and we pay them in return of their services.”
“Hmmm, but why do people need somebody else to do their own work like laundry or dishes? Why can’t they do it themselves? And why are there servants only in India and not here?” For her, the actual world comprised of only two major destinations, it was either here or India. The rest of the places existed only on the map.
“Well, it is cheaper to hire people to do your work in India; I bet we would have had servants here too, if we could afford them! And by the way, there are maid services here, we call them and they come to clean our house for a fee,” I tried to make it sound convincing but in my heart I didn’t believe the first statement to be true anymore.
Yes, a couple of years back, fresh out of the land of lip-smacking delicacies on the road and affordable help at home, I grumbled every time I had to load the dishwasher or vacuum the floor. At every Indian get together, the topic of lack of domestic help would surface sooner or later (mostly after dinner when a kitchen full of grease and utensils awaited us) and the ladies would reminisce in unison that the one thing that they missed most about India was the ‘maid’. For once, the body presided over the heart and mind.
But today, her question did strike a chord. Today, I no longer wished I had someone to help at home. I was actually glad to be free of the wait and I certainly didn’t miss the stress of always thinking of a back-up plan in case the domestic help didn’t show up. And I couldn’t really blame her for being curious after a recent trip to her mom’s motherland.
Why was it so difficult to do our daily chores by ourselves back in India? I asked myself. There were washing machines and vacuums and dishwashers now in India too. But of course, not everybody could afford them, I justified. Electricity consumption and water availability at all times for the use of these machines was another issue. Everyday life is also a lot harder than here in the US. We have guests visiting, elaborate cooking and men who do not help around the house. One by one the explanations kept coming to my mind. It is a different kind of social set-up, I concluded for myself, I should not be comparing the two; and what is wrong with hiring help, if one could afford to? The last question that I asked myself was the antithesis of what I actually felt.
After staying amidst a different kind of society, I had come to admire certain things about it and wished (we in India as a society or at least I) had adopted them earlier. I realised that not everybody in the world thought that it was ok to let people do your work if you could afford to pay them. And when you grow up in that surrounding and with that mindset, you have an independent streak and a sense of freedom which is hard to acquire later in life and harder to even fathom that it was missing all along.
I also observed that allowing or expecting or even relying heavily on others to do simple chores or your personal work is a matter not only of time and circumstance, but also of outlook and upbringing. There are some things you ought to do yourself and certain things you ought never to let anybody do for you if you are healthy and of sound mind, no matter how much money you have. Like how I, at the age of 18 and in perfect health used to sit in front of the T.V. and ask for a glass of water from our domestic help (with a little bit more of authority than necessary). Today, I think we carried the ‘master-servant’ arrangement too far and beyond ethical limits. Having people come and wash your clothes for you was probably needed but asking for a glass of water, from a person as old as your father, when you could very well just go and get it yourself was certainly being lazy and nothing else. Paying someone money to do chores does not give us the right to treat them poorly or make them do things that actually don’t fall within the purview of their line of duty.
“I know why!” she said, breaking my inner thoughts, “people here are strong, they do not need any help to do their own work.” I wasn’t sure I liked the way this conversation was moving. I didn’t want her to be pronounced and judgmental in her opinion but at the same time I understood that it was just a child’s curiosity working overtime to get to the bottom of things and how in instances beyond their comprehension, they come up with their own reasons and answers.
“Sweetie, it’s just the way things happen in one place and don’t in another. It does not make any set stronger than the other or better, it is how different people live in different places. But irrespective of wherever you stay, always remember that every person has a right to be treated with respect, whatever work they do. And it is certainly not a bad thing if you can take care of your chores without help, it makes you more independent!
In this case, pointing out the difference and teaching acceptance was way better than preaching right or wrong, I figured.
Gauri Trivedi is a former business law professional who makes the law at home these days. A Mom to two lovely daughters, her days are filled with constant learning and non- stop fun. All of her “mommy time” goes into writing and finds itself on her blog pages http://messyhomelovelykids.blogspot.com/ and http://pastaandparatha.blogspot.com/ and if she is not writing she is definitely reading something!
Pic: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mistry/
Well said!