Love Aaj Kal

by Gauri Trivedi

[box] Married for a decade and more, a wife-and-a-mother mulls over the lack of romance in her life these days. Annoyed with the hype surrounding Valentine’s Day, she is not so enthused about what the month of February has to offer, until she takes a trip down the memory lane. The lady in question could be anybody, it could be me, it could be you, says Gauri Trivedi. Picture by Gauri Trivedi.[/box]

February is particularly a hard month to get by, at least for me. For one, it is bitterly cold and utterly cloudy (in that order) this time of the year, in this part of the world and even the officially labeled day for romance falling in the middle of the month does nothing to take the gloom away.

The fact that your spouse never believes in such ‘days’ while all your friends’ husbands do, probably makes it worse. I still haven’t figured out what upsets me more, the former or the latter. If I happen to plan something special for that day, my husband would play along but on his own, he would never come up with anything special to do on the coveted ‘Day’. If truth be told, I shouldn’t even be complaining because he never misled me on this one. “Why confine your romantic urges to just one single day in the whole year?” He would joke whenever I whined.

Adding to this, come February, love is literally in the air with heart-shaped balloons ready to take flight out of every store that one passes by. Frankly, although a little bit of romance at this point in my life would be highly appreciated, this overdose of crimson is downright annoying. Red has never been my colour, so come February, I do everything in my power to avoid it, not that I succeed!

Naturally, the absence of visible romance in my own life puts me at a greater risk of being cynical when it comes to expression of love.

But thinking back, I realise this wasn’t the case, always.

Once upon a time (now, doesn’t every fairy tale begin like this?), the cold weather was a catalyst, a reason to snuggle even closer and I could see colour even in the grey of the skies. Those were the days of blossoming love, carefree fun and unreal promises.

THEN, the day began with a cuddle and a kiss, sweet words whispered beneath a cloud of sheets. NOW, my day starts later than before. His presence is usually heard below, a few stairs away. He tells the kids to be quiet as they get ready for school. Carefully, he has slipped out of bed as noiselessly as one can, just so that I can get that little extra sleep.

THEN, I cooked his favourites, fretting over the smallest of things. He would kiss my hands and declare that I was the best cook on this earth. We ate from the same plate and he always fed me the last bite saying it was for the beloved.

NOW, he leaves in a hurry, barely making it out of the house on time. “I will eat at the office cafeteria, darling, don’t you worry”.

THEN, our conversations on the phone lasted forever, enough for the battery to die. We lived together and still there was so much to talk about. On our way to work, during lunch breaks and at the tiniest opportunity available, I talked and he listened, never too tired of the babble.

NOW, the tête-à-tête is short and very much to the point. Half the messages are lost in the childish ruckus that remains a constant background. Amidst all chaos of the day, I forget important things to be conveyed. He shrugs off my apology and looks for ways to amend.

THEN, my tears moved him in an instant and to the core. Silently, he wept with me as I wailed my heart out on his shoulder on matters as petty as a pebble. NOW my despair refuses to melt him down. As I sob beside my toddler, unable to see her in pain and tucked in a hospital bed, he stands by my side and holds my hand tight, his gaze unflinching and strong, as solid as a rock.

Of all the surreal pledges that we made, one has stood the test of time. THEN, he said he will always be there for me, NOW, I can close my eyes and count on him.

That was kal (yesterday) as I knew it and this is Aaj (today) as I live it. THEN and NOW seem worlds apart, different in every possible way they could be. But as I take a closer look, the dissimilarities pale.

As I go back and forth, a million instances surface.
Real life met responsibility and took away a bit of romance with it. As the years added up, so did we! Those two precious extensions of us arrived and altered the course of life. But our love grew with us and that’s what counts the most.

The evolution from being a carefree couple to concerned parents has not been without its share of hiccups, but the desire to connect now runs deeper than just me and him. It is with a happy smile I recognise, the care and the concern still presides. The maneuvers may have changed but the ambitions remain intact.

Whoever said true love never changes, certainly got it all wrong. I have come to believe that truer the love, more inclined to change it is! Amorphous like water which assumes the shape of whatever it is poured into, love too grows with the relationship and the people involved, filling in the spaces and being what it needs to be.

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