I Want to Fly on the Time Machine

by Anupama Krishnakumar

[box]Time Travel is quite fantasy like. Anupama Krishnakumar brings in her perspective to the theme through a story – of two people and their perception of human life.[/box]

Ma looks tired today. At least I think so – because she doesn’t seem too interested in answering me. She even told me she is tired. But I don’t understand so many things. I want to know how it all works. I like to keep asking why and what and how. I like those words. I learn so much when I talk those words to Ma.

She is putting me to sleep.

*****

Many times she is very happy, smiling and all. My five-year-old puppy dear, she says, and ruffles my hair. I like that so much. I feel so nice. She also says she is very proud of me. She says that many times. I love her because she does everything for me – brushes my teeth, gives me a bath, dresses me up, helps me with my homework, plays a lot with me, does craftwork for me, feeds  me, makes my favourite pies and buys me fresh cupcakes when I want. But you know what I enjoy most – she answers my questions.

Today afternoon, Ma and I tried to read letters of the alphabet in the newspaper. I also saw some pictures in the paper. We do it every day in the afternoon, after I am back from school. She says it will help me a lot when I become big.

During some yesterday, I didn’t understand what ‘becoming big’ meant. So I asked her. She told me becoming big meant becoming like Pa and then like Grandpa – because I am a boy. After that I asked her lot of questions.

‘Is Pa big boy?’

‘No, Pa is a man. When you grow up people will call you also “man”. ‘

‘What are big girls called?’

‘Woman.’

‘Are you a woman?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you a woman from small?’

‘No, I was a girl and then I became a woman.’

And some more.

And then she said it was enough.

But I still have lot of questions about becoming big.

Some yesterday, I asked her, ‘How will I grow tall? How tall will I grow?’

Ma said if I eat food, I will grow tall. I will be so tall that Ma will lift her head to look at me. I feel so excited when I think of that. She told me I will go to bigger class (I asked her if the room will be big and she said no), she said I will learn lot of things – very ‘complicated’ – I learnt that word from Ma. She was so proud when I used it the first time.

But when will I grow so tall? When will I become big? Tomorrow? I ask her this every day. Because I am not able to understand.

Some yesterday, Ma made me stand near the wall. She took my new scale that Pa bought and said – see, you are this tall now. Then when you are eight years old, you will be this tall – the scale was up. Then ten years, still up and 15, 20…when she said 20, she said I will be really so tall.

So, when I asked her when I will be 20 – she said there’s still lot of time for that.

I didn’t understand. When time becomes 5 o’ clock? I asked her.

She didn’t say anything. She said I have to become a little big to understand Time.

I think Ma says Time always. If I want her to come and play, she says ‘Wait for Two Minutes’. Some yesterday, I asked her when it will be two minutes. She asked me to count till 120. I cried because I didn’t want to count.

She sometimes scolds me. When I ask her when it will be tomorrow morning, when I say I want tomorrow to come now only, when I ask why 11 ‘o clock is afternoon and why 2 ‘o clock is also afternoon.

She says I have to become big.

For everything she says I have to become big – to go out and play without Ma, to ride cycle without Ma, to write with pen, to carry big bag, to cook, to go to college, to be in hostel (I learnt that from Ma), to become a pilot. I also told her I want to go to office like Pa – but I also want to become a pilot – I like planes a lot. And for everything she says I have to become big.

I don’t want to be small now. I can’t do anything. I want to become biiiiig now!

Today afternoon also Ma and I tried to read letters of the alphabet in the newspaper. I also saw some pictures in the paper.

Today, I saw a very nice picture. I asked her what it is. Ma said it was a cartoon – of a Time Machine.

‘Ma’, I asked her, ‘What is a Time Machine?’

She didn’t say anything. Then she said, ‘If you sit on it, and press a switch, it will make you big or it will make you small – whichever you want.’

‘Ma, will you buy me the Time Machine? I want to become big now!’

‘We can’t, honey! It’s just a cartoon.’

I cried, loud and loud. ‘Why? Why can’t you buy it for me?’

I threw my Thomas train and it broke.

Ma was very angry. She said she won’t talk to me.

‘You should sleep now,’ she said and put me to bed.

Ma looks tired today. At least I think so – because she doesn’t seem too interested in answering me. She even told me she is tired. But, I don’t understand so many things. I want to know how it all works. I like to keep asking why and what and how. I like those words. I learn so much when I talk those words to Ma.

I watch as my little one yawns, looks at me through half-closed eyes and turns around, lies on his left side, pulling my arm closer over himself. I gently pat him and in the warmth of the rug he falls asleep. His afternoon nap.

He has taken a while to fall asleep.  I know thoughts rage inside his head even as he tries to sleep. I wonder though, how his thinking pattern would be – I suspect they may run in loops as he holds a part of his soft blanket between his right thumb and forefinger and keeps rubbing it.

The Time Machine is perhaps what he is thinking about.

My doll, you don’t understand what Time is and what human life is. Ageing puzzles you as much as it fills you with awe! I know it puzzles you, this enormity of things that surrounds the lives we live in this world – the complexities that the human mind has raised – a mammoth wall of conflicts, all originating from within us. Only that you still do not know a wee bit of it. For you, growing up is all about being on your own.

And you think the Time Machine will give you the answer. You jumped to that conclusion even when I gave you a not-so-complete explanation. Again, how do I explain time travel to you? 🙂

But, little one, why do you want to grow up so fast? Trust me, life is its sweetest when we meet it slow and steady.

I don’t know how I can explain to you why it’s so wonderful to be a child – I can’t even tell you about the hardships of being an adult. It will well be beyond your comprehension. How do I make you understand the peace and calm of a child’s life?

Perhaps, my view is tinted. Perhaps, you have one little set of worries too – I know how you go berserk and chaotic when my answers do not satisfy you or when you don’t get what you want. But you still fall asleep when you want to and you forget misunderstandings so easily – isn’t that wonderful?

My dear one, someone said that the human mind always looks for greener pastures – we always long for what we don’t have. How true is that! I wish I could sit on the Time Machine too and fly away to a distant time – only that I want to go back to my younger days – of being carefree, wonderstruck, innocent and unprejudiced in learning life and its ways.

How ironical is it that you want to be transported to your adulthood – where there’s so much self-centeredness, hypocrisy, foolishness and despair! The world of adults is much like a kaleidoscope – of broken glass – together they form a tempting pattern – but as individuals – they are just that – broken, shapeless pieces! Perhaps, I was like you too when I was as small as you – hating my caterpillar self and waiting to burst forth into the world like a flamboyantly designed butterfly! The history of human nature, after all, repeats, and it is here to see.

You are blissfully asleep now and perhaps are dreaming of the Time Machine. Sleep is stinging my eyes too and soon, for all you know, I will see the same Time Machine too in a hazy dream. Ah, the workings of the human mind! And if I do, I suspect our dreams will merge and in that dream we would be flying – only that we will be spiralling away in opposite directions. Joyfully and confidently, to our own greener pastures!

Pics :

azadam - http://www.flickr.com/photos/azadam/

Andy Magee - http://www.flickr.com/photos/amagee3/

 

Anupama Krishnakumar loves Physics and English and sort of managed to get degrees in both – studying Engineering and then Journalism. Yet, as she discovered a few years ago, it is the written word that delights her soul and so here she is, doing what she loves to do – spinning tales for her small audience and for her little son, bringing together a lovely team of creative people and spearheading Spark. She loves books, music, notebooks and colour pens and truly admires simplicity in anything! Tomatoes send her into a delightful tizzy, be it in soup or rasam or ketchup or atop a pizza!

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