by Parth Pandya
Every crisis needs a hero. If there is one thing better than our very human trait of digging a hole for ourselves now and again, it is our ability to conjure a rope and pull ourselves out once we fall into it. The ones doing the pulling are the heroes of our times and they need to be acknowledged. Judge not the hero by the nature of the crisis he or she has helped avert, but by the sheer implausibility of them standing up in the first place, for aren’t daily heroes rarer than Bollywood movies that make you stand up and say, “That made sense”? These are our daily heroes, our simple saviours. They may not make the nightly news nor get Facebook posts that urge you to ‘share’ their deeds instead of clicking on that Yo Yo Honey Singh video laced with gyrations by Sunny Leone; but if they are not praised, we have failed in our duty. I intend to correct that by presenting to you some shining examples of heroes in our daily lives.
The Selfie Taker
There is so much ugliness in this world. Poverty, hunger, litter on the roads, hoardings that sell you dreams you can’t afford. Our eyes take in all of that and our heart suffers the consequences. To the rescue comes the selfie taker. They put their beautiful selves out there for us. By making sure that 70% of the picture is merely their own pouting self, they obscure the dreadfulness of the world from us. Thank you, my friend. I know you down to your last freckle now.
The Channel Changer
“57 channels and nothing on”, claimed Bruce Springsteen. Of course, that song was released in 1992, where the number 57 might have been the pinnacle of how many different streams of vapid entertainment humans could conjure up. Circa 2015, sky is the limit. With hundreds of channels running and a few thousand shows running in parallel, how can you come to the conclusion that nothing is on until you actually try them out? To the rescue come the channel changers, the rare breed that has supreme eyesight and rapid cognition and can flip through the channels gauging, guessing and deciding what is worth watching and what is not. If it hurts your eyes, look away. If it irritates you, remember, it is for your own good.
The TV Anchors
Your home is either invaded by white noise or is host to the silence that lives inside it. Your family perhaps is not the most talkative kind. Even short talk is a premium. Into this void enters the bombastic voice of the TV anchor. There is drama, there is emotion, there is aggression and there is compassion. They wrench the last drop out of their existence to fulfil yours. Any human emotion that was missing from your oh so tepid lives is played for you by the TV anchor. Except one. Don’t expect any subtlety there.
The Friendly Neighborhood Aunt
This may be a fast-fading species, but the friendly neighbourhood aunt has always formed an important part of the social fabric in India. This is not someone who is actually your aunt, but embodies every bit the liberties and the inquiries that an overbearing and highly interested sister of your father or mother would be expected to have. She is simply, “Aunty”. Or “Aunty-jee”, if the extra degree of respect is desired. She is here to make sure that she keeps an eye on you. Sting’s “Every breath you take” could very well have been written from her point of view. Her interest in your life is her endeavour to keep you grounded. If she wants to know who the girl was that came in the afternoon when your parents were away, it is only because she worries that you might get robbed. If she is wondering when you are going to have kids, it is only her compassionate side coming through, taking on some of your unwanted guilt and troubles onto herself. She may even make sure that many other such aunts would come to partake of your troubles, such is her selflessness. Aunty-jee, we bow to you.
The Joke Forwarder
Your life is a dull dry desert. You need an oasis of humour to nourish and replenish you. Without it, you would walk around sulking like the grey skies on a Seattle evening. There is but only one person who can save you there. The Joke Forwarder. That gallant soul who makes sure that whether it is by SMS or WhatsApp or Facebook or even Twitter, they share a joke or two or twenty with you. Everyone can come up with an original joke. However, forwarding a joke that is likely to bring a smile to someone’s face is no mean task. They are the gate-keepers to good humour. They are like editors of a major newspaper. What’s more, they will pepper each joke with a million emojis so you are caught up on this new wave of expression sweeping the world. Say a silent thank you to them and throw in a chuckle for good measure.
You
The last hero in the list is You. No, no, don’t be confused. Don’t look behind you to see if someone else is being addressed. I am talking about you. You deserve to be called a hero. Even Time magazine named you ‘Person of the Year’ in 2006. And why not? It is a miracle you continue to exist. The world is falling apart. You are choking to death slowly. You survive catastrophes. You survive your spouse and your children and your co-workers and all the other human beings. You survive bad food and unintellectual television. You survive fashion trends and changes to taxation. What more is to be said other than reminding you that you are a hero. That you are is in itself a testament to how bravely you have struggled to maintain your existence. I bow to you, and in turn, accept your respect.
