by Srividhya Radhakrishnan
[box]Do women achieve ultimate fulfilment only by bearing a child? Is motherhood only about bearing a child? In fact, is motherhood only about a woman and can a man not experience it, asks Srividhya Radhakrishnan.[/box]I have seen countless movies which take pride in parroting this dialogue –“A girl becomes a complete woman when she gets married and bears a child”. This skewed thinking makes me furious sometimes. If having a child makes a woman complete, what about those who decide not to have a child or for some unfortunate reason cannot have one even if they wish to? Aren’t they also women? What are they, aliens? I personally know women who think beyond their stability, their security and their own needs to dedicate their life to causes that truly mean something to them. They truly understood that you live life but once and it is of utmost importance to choose to do whatever means the most to you. They have not gone beyond motherhood. They have enlarged their sense of motherhood to accommodate people and societies around them and are trying to make a difference wherever they can. They are experiencing fulfilment and motherhood by contributing actively to the society.
So, it would be incredibly naïve and dim-witted to say a woman’s only contribution can be bearing a child. With her passion and dedication and the necessary skills and business acumen, she can make a difference in this world through any job she chooses to. We have seen women contributing and making a difference in various fields as writers, leaders, scientists, singers, artists, engineers, teachers, thinkers, social workers and even as warriors. We have even seen women out in the fields, working long hours under the sun as she supports her family by farming. So even when a job requires physical stamina, she is able to participate and contribute. Also, with the world getting increasingly mechanized, her job is made many times simpler and less gruelling and it broadens her choice of professions. As a civil engineering graduate, I can proudly say that my class had as many women as men. Traditionally, this branch of engineering has not been preferred by women as much as men but it is heartening to see women stepping out and taking up ‘unorthodox’ professions. So regardless of whether women have children or not, they are capable of shaping the world and finding their ultimate fulfilment from a job outside of home.
Even if a woman chooses to express and experience her motherhood by bearing a child and devotes her time solely in nurturing the child, I can say beyond all doubt that it is one of the most important jobs on the planet. What kind of an individual she raises decides the future of the planet. If she raises that one individual as a responsible human being, that is one less problem for the society. To resolve almost all social issues today, we need individuals to be more conscious, aware and responsible. A group of such individuals becomes a transformed society. So raising a child cannot be considered a job for the weak or a job that is unimportant. As much as we cannot deny women the right to work outside her home or judge her for that, we have no right judging women who choose to make their home the centre of their existence. Really, if a woman can make that ultimate choice on how she wishes to live her life all by herself, I would celebrate at the huge progress humanity has made.
But is motherhood experienced only by women? Does this instinct of motherhood come naturally only to women? We would be tempted to believe so going by what we have observed in girls/women around us during the various stages of growing up. Women are usually the first to reach out and cuddle an infant even if it is not theirs. They are quicker to empathize and can connect emotionally better to their surroundings. But are men are incapable of this instinct? No, definitely not. ‘Motherhood’ is independent of gender. It is independent of whether you have the ability to give birth to a child or not. It is an experience that both men and women can go through.
When you deeply care for someone – be it your parents, a spouse, a friend, someone else’s child or even a total stranger who needs your help at that point, and when you truly put someone else’s needs ahead of yours, you experience what is known as motherhood. So motherhood is not an action. It is an experience. This might sound revolutionary to people who are firmly set on the idea that ‘motherhood’ is about giving birth and therefore about a woman. People who have dogs often refer to themselves as the parent of the dog. People who have adopted children are capable of as much love, sacrifice and responsibility as biological parents. So you don’t need to bear a child for you to feel that sense of protectiveness, the urge to reach out or to nurture and watch someone grow and blossom and you definitely don’t even need to be a woman to experience motherhood. You just need to be willing to see something or someone as more important than yourself. In fact people who have espoused a certain cause or are working towards a certain vision that they think will make the world around them a better place, often choose not to have families simply because their own needs are not important anymore. I would say that these people, men or women, are experiencing motherhood too.
It is unfortunate that often boys/men who show empathy and compassion are branded by their peers as ‘gay’ or behaving ‘like a girl’. This probably stems from the mindset that compassion and empathy are weaknesses rather than strengths and that strength is purely physical in nature. But strength is not just measured by one’s physical capabilities alone. It’s also to a great extent decided by one’s perseverance, dedication and intelligence. This knows no gender.
So given the current climate of gender inequality in India (and in most parts of the world), we need to question our set notions about motherhood and women. We need to work towards ensuring women have complete freedom in choosing what they want to do with their life. We need to give credit to all those women and men out their working with passion and diligence to create the world they envision.
Pic : http://openclipart.org/user-detail/Merlin2525
Srividhya Radhakrishnan, a graduate from the National University of Singapore is currently based in the US. She worked as a civil servant in Singapore for four years before choosing to become a full time volunteer for the cause of bringing a holistic approach to health and wellness in the community. She is passionate about yoga, environmental issues, bridging the rural-urban divide in education and healthy cooking. She currently works with various organizations to facilitate meditation sessions and lives by the motto “Make your life count. You live but once.”
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