When Women Become Girls

by Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty

[box]Women mature faster than men and suddenly, these women become girls, who the boys die to impress with their gentlemanliness. Here’s an interesting take on what happens when women indeed ‘grow back’ to girls. Jeevanjyoti Chakraborty entertains with his thoughts and words.[/box]

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not here to write about women, and certainly not about girls. Alright, maybe a little. But, this piece is about boys and a little about men; however it is mostly about … well, I am getting a little ahead of myself.

Men spend a big part of their life being boys. Some even stay that way. Always. Girls, on the other hand, grow up faster. I am not talking about the “faster” kind taught in biology textbooks but, “faster”, as in maturing up there – inside the head;  in the tint of the glasses through which they look at others, at books, at movies, at love, at flowers, at weddings, at families – not necessarily in that order though; the way they look at suffering, at compassion, at most other stuff, generally the world at large. And, then, suddenly, with boys still playing and prancing about – blissfully unaware of the changes occurring among the better half of their generation – the girls graduate into womanhood.

So, what’s new?  I don’t know if you have noticed this but there is something amiss about this whole graduation business. Girls become women alright. Mature. All big-sisterly. Some motherly. Some teacherly. Some become “aunties”. Some even mothers. The curious thing, however, is that these grown up girls – women – don’t seem to stay that way. I have had this subliminal feeling for sometime now although I never could point a finger on it. Until one day, while introducing my mother, out came the liminal with a stylish flourish into the very limelight of the glorious spoken word – “And, here is my mother, she is also my kid sister”. Curious glances all around, a sparkle in mom’s eyes… but those words surprised none greater than me. Here was an epiphany. Women tend to grow back into girls.

Now, there are two modes of this neo-girl-hood. First is the girl emerging from behind those dignified grey streaks, battle-hardened wrinkles, double-chins and golden-rimmed glassy badges of honour. She is the mother, the granny and, of course, the wannabe granny. She has given life. She has seen life. She has fought well. And, after being through it all, has managed to emerge not entirely unscathed perhaps, but then, not without her trophies of glory either. It is now that she tells herself that she deserves a bit of life – the good life, in her own terms. And it is then that out comes the girl, giggling, joking, curious and cautiously carefree. It’s her playtime.

And here is the second mode. She is the girl that had grown into womanhood perhaps a little too soon. She never quite was the adolescent. Blame it on career-making. Blame it on ambition. Blame it on responsibility. But the real girl, subservient to the diktats of the would-be-woman, never stood a chance. She got tucked away… A period of tumult passed… The ship having finished coursing through the troubled waters finally hits cruise mode. And it is then that the girl gingerly emerges. Breathes in the fresh, relaxed air. Stretches and finally, with the pent-up energy of a life not lived, unleashes herself upon the world. She is that girl.

There are, of course, deviant varieties to both these modes. Trying to cling on, unnaturally, to a past with props and shades while theheart harbours no real youth, they are best described as girly women (calling them girls would be an insult to the beautiful word). Elsewhere others dab themselves with copious sprays of “girlishness” in order to strategically exude the expected virtues of energy and enthusiasm that are officially (and curiously enough) mandated as unquestionable prerogatives of the girl but not the woman.

Deviant or not, these neo-girls bid farewell to their womanhood.

Remember, what I told you in the beginning about this piece not being about women or girls and so on. Who was I kidding? Even if this piece is about boys and men and… it still had to be women and girls, girls and women all the way. It always is. But finally, with due permission, on to the real subject.

Let me reiterate that boys mostly get left behind by the real girls of their own age group in the race to adulthood so that in mental maturity, they can, at best, equal only the girls who were born after them. But, that’s got to hurt the ego in the daily scheme of things. At the same time, ambitions of chivalry are so incorrigibly hard-coded into the genetic instincts of boys that they are rabid hunters of opportunities to go all mighty gentlemanly. In this situation, it is the neo-girls – older women who grow back into girls – who present wondrous opportunities to the wannabe knights. The advanced age guarantees an ego-boosting mature platform; at the same time, the girl illusion presents a mirage-like image of a damsel. Distress calls being more frequent from neo-girls than real damsels, it is a win-win situation. The boys, ever so vigilant after the rude jolt – through the realization of having been left behind – from the reverie of an extended adolescence, clamour to rescue. It feels great to help, find and fix things for little girls. But, it feels greater to hold the chair for the woman-girl. To fetch stuff, to reach for the upper cupboard, and to carry out, on her behalf, the barking orders of the unpleasant boss. Mothers and aunts, strangely shorn of the ferocity that marked early years, flounder around like lost girls – oh what joy, what chivalry to hold them and walk them through, to be the “man of the house” (even as the real men watch on in amusement!).

There is another dimension to the neo-girl-boy relationship. The real girls (corresponding to the age-group of the boys, that is) being very busy with reality, are “difficult”, “demanding”, and too real for comfort in matters of the heart. With due apology to those boys who are not self-serving-pig-headed-lying pricks – for most boys it is a perfect world if the heart can somehow be set aside in matters of the heart. Such opportunities are presented in ample measure by the neo-girls (mostly the deviant variety) who are ever so ready to lap up the doting “affections” of the racy colts. These boys take it upon themselves to be the “men” for these neo-girls. Unless the self-serving-pig-headed-lying prick also happens to be an inveterate fool, no one gets hurt in this situation. The girls get the boys, and the boys get to play at becoming men.

So, all in all, when women become girls, boys pretend to be men, genre notwithstanding. Some boys actually grow up in the process. Pretence transmogrifies into Reality and boys become men. And then they stay that way. The doting care stops thereafter. But, neo-girls needn’t worry – fresh boys will always keep coming… and they will always continue to outnumber the real men.

Pic : quirky bird – http://www.flickr.com/photos/quirkybird/

mindsay mohan – http://www.flickr.com/photos/mitzabot_goes_boom/

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